All changed, only this

All changed for the past twenty-four years, only this has not changed - the fact that my feet's condition still remain the same. I went to see doctor yesterday after convinced by my mum to have another try, to see if the doctor has the new prescription. 100 bucks went into another 2 new medicine for topical application, hoping to give me another miracle.
I'm tired of talking this to people, after all people just don't give a shit. I always tell myself: as long as people don't notice it or ironically blow on it, I will live like other normal girl. You have no idea how much it affects me, and how easy my life would be without this parasite~ I'm not frustrated with this irritation anymore, years after years, and I was numbed by this recurring illness. How ironic of this parasitism~ Beneath my nonchalance, despair always stirs in my heart at night, questioning the God, why I deserve this. I was once soothed by the doctor, after I entered the Uni, everything gonna be alright... Now these so-called the day I will alright have come the end, and I am disappointed again...

Well, I guess it is just another trial that I have to bear until, until one day... ...

When we were younger

Devoted myself in creating my very first photos-slideshow video.

"Our Journey, Our Graduation 2009-2013"

First video and might be the last video I've ever worked on. 

From selecting the photos at the first day, to the second day I thought of giving up due to some technical problems (whilst preparing my viva and final exams), till the penultimate hour that my video was rejected by my lappie itself, by fb video uploader to finally "uploaded my first ever Youtube video"... the video was blessed.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye become harder.

Look at all of you, growing from the freshman, sophomore, junior to senior..Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, sometimes it feels like someone else's memory. Hopefully, our timeline together won't fade so soon. Thanks to every single person in the photos, everyone of you are special, bar none...twenty-three of us, just like the award you have gotten from us. The truth is, I may not cast a role in your next chapter of life, but I do wish I could make a guest appearance in one of your subtitles at least.

To the 4-Year-Memories.

Favors from friends

Imagine if you were like a driver today, you said Okay to every favor today:
*Oh my, I feel as a great friend today~*
I drove my friend to the bank for cash deposit, I fetch my friend to a meet up with somebody in the rainy day, I got my friend to fix her broken car key... anymore? hope no more by the end of today.

Wait wait.... I am not so Ok with all of these today at least. Almost get annoyed not because of  the friends' impromptu favors, but the timing sucks. It ain't happened at the interval hours, but it came all over within an hour! Hit the Toto won't be so lucky me,but today was hit by 3 consecutive favor calls,
and I just finished my class since 8am~
Hate it more when a friend of mine just tagged me as the one who will help others once was asked, unlike other friends who are selfish enough -----> which indirectly means "I AM" suppose to help when was asked. LOL. *kiasu hits me*

Ok, I have vented. Enjoyed the free dinner, so it soothed me sikit sikit. haha. * realistic person*
Bygones be bygones.
P/S: I know I cannot in all consciences turn down the requests, as trying to put myself in others' shoes. That's matter when it happens on you back.

A little thing about my Dad and I...

*非诚勿扰*

It's my ah Pa's birthday! 1216 and now he is officially 50+1 years-old. Imagine how the time flies and gradually consumes him year after year... We all do.

I know it is not exactly his birthday, he just used to this as his birthday just as registered on his ID card. He doesn't even know his exact birthday. It was a long long story... to talk about. Pity with my dad's background upon I learned the truth since I was "adult enough" to know all this, I have never know if I could handle all these... "ordeal". Never experience never know.

Somehow, I was never in a very "good" relationship with my dad. I just have no idea. Some people are close to their mum, a typical mummy boy; some are more to their dad, a typical daddy girl. I am closer to my mum since I will always refer my mum for everything. For money matter, of course I will refer to my dad. LOLx.
For once, I see my fate as not so matchy with my dad, because both of us seldom approve one thing unanimously, and my mum will always be the trouble-shooter between us. I know we are both too stubborn to compromise. Sometimes, I disagreed with him because his is just far far being too nice, too generous to others. Conversely, he couldn't bear our selfishness and that kind of indifference when asked for the favor.

Anyhow, without my dad, I wouldn't have existed now. Believe it, I am my father's only daughter. You could see the resemblance right, the significant chin and also the skinny cheek, belly-less. Ahahaha.

Ohya, I have just texted my dad in Chinese on his birthday. I think it's once in a blue moon matter. (wait a minute, not to say I am not a devoted daughter, but the fact that my dad is not a techno-savvy person)XD
and guess what, HE REPLIED ME in ENGLISH...~  Here it goes:

" Tq. My daughter, wish u all the success on exam. & always healthy."

How surprise I was!! Not to mention he was once working overseas, and he taught me primary English words. I thought he has forgotten all these ABCs. hahahahaha...

I don't know about other. But in my family, we have been practiced the... how to say... "veiled love" or more to the "inert chemicals". We didn't hug, we didn't have goodnight kiss, we didn't celebrate any events, we didn't give utterance to our love ever since we have grown up.
* I still remember the time when I was young about 5 years old, my dad loved to kiss me on the cheek before sleeping, and I didn't like it very much, just because of his "pricking" mustache LOLxxx.*
Even though, we as the children have never really shown our "tangible" love, but deep down there, you and I know exactly how much love we hold for each others. It is undisputed.

"We are always one as a family". Check!
and lastly HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD~

with love from your daughter.

Growing into another person...

At home, you tend to be dependent on parents;
Away-from-home, you tend to be dependent on friends.

Uh, ain't not trying to translate it from the the Chinese sayings of “在家靠父母，出外靠朋友”.
but was trying to say it's a tendency to be dependent instead of being independent when there's always somebody for you~

Granted, it's always good to have somebody to count on whenever you need one the most, but when there's no one for you to count on, how are you going to cope with the "I-am-at-the-loss-what-to-do-next" drama?

A story of three years ago - 27th of June 2009 :-
I remembered the day whereby my parents indeed let a van to fetch me all along from my hometown to my beloved uni. That time, I just couldn't imagine if I was asked to come all by myself without my parents, as I had  never well-prepared to be independent yet. *Shame?Lame?*
But then after everything was settled down, with no parents by my side, I have to face things all by myself. Dramatic change huh?
There. The learning process begins.

I have quite a high expectation on myself, yet I gotta admit that I was (or suppose used to be "I am") having minor DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder) sometimes...
However, living about 200 miles distant from the HSH is a powerful factor that could greatly and mentally alter you.

Time flies...
Sometimes, I just hate to be one of it as I prefer to have a company by my side when doing something, but gradually and eventually I would have learned (so much) and have grown up (enough) to take over things on my tod.

Courage. Initiative. The values that I need to extract from others, somewhere and use on me myself.



Note: being independent is different from being a loner...

Photo credit to Jonas Fornerod in his Alone's photography series. 

再见小时候的......苑钏

九五年的回忆。那一年，我六岁上了一年的幼儿园，有黄色的海军衣裳，还有男子头耶。。。对了！忽然想起究竟我那年是“真空”上学的不？呵呵！记忆最深的那次也是我一生中用了最久的“右手”了，总总有一年。那也是老妈“逼出来”，很不自然啊～

九六至九九年的回忆。那四年发生的一切只有淡淡的回忆描写好了。只知道老爸报晚了名额，所以上了最后一班 - 1F，已经不记得我是否有哭着去上学了。不妨对你说，苑钏小姐我可是很安静的小孩哦，所以朋友不多。最烦恼的是很多人都不晓得念我的名字，总是把它念成“宛川”。

在认识了一些小学朋友，也是同个住区邻居后，就开始混着一起玩了咯。那是电脑，无线网络还未盛行的时代，所以每个傍晚我们都会有自个儿安排的游戏节目哦，如：“踩脚踏车，抓迷藏，123木偶人，弹珠bakuli, 打羽球。游乐场是我们必去的老地方，荡秋千，跷跷板，溜滑梯。。。。。。无一不晓！犹记得，小时候，磕磕碰碰，跌跌撞撞可是我们一定会经历的事情。“磕磕碰碰”是指小朋友之间的乱架，而“跌跌撞撞”就是指擦伤跌倒了。我身上总有跌倒的小痕迹。

还有还有，我是个很爱栽种花草树木的女孩噢。最成功的结晶品就是我家后院的木瓜树了，但有一次，好像是因弟弟们惹了隔壁小孩的气，所以在我们外出回来后，我发现我亲爱的木瓜树竟然被人砍了一个斧头，还把我辛苦“栽培”的花儿都给锄了！尼玛的顽皮的小孩。幸亏木瓜树还坚强的活了下来。我也大哭了一场咯。

九七年的金融风暴，懵懂的我并没有在关注它，但九七年的大烟霾我就知道有这回事了。

九八我小三那一年，PTS是入学以来最难的考试了。如果通过这一关，你就可以一级跳，小四也就罢读了。

九九年，我上了小四，（PTS只有一人过关，那个人不是我）班级任叶老师给了我最深刻的影响，因为是她给了我全新的名字发音：苑钏yuan4chuan4；在那之前我并没有要翻查我名字的读音的意思。

差点忘了，小学时代，我可有很羡慕一些同学哦，我羡慕她们的才华还把他们当成了学习的榜样。他们就是现在的：刘同学, 陈同学，杨同学，郭同学和黄同学了（你们认识的）。他们可是学校明日之星噢，载歌载舞，能言善辩，琴棋书画无所不通。我还有两位最要好的朋友：李同学和叶同学。只可惜，我们并没有把握彼此的缘分，我们失去联络了。

二OOO年的回忆。在还没迎接这一年的到来，“千年虫”事件就闹的沸沸扬扬的，我并不很了解事情的来龙去脉，反正大人说了算嘛。上了小五，我开始对学业很努力。其实并不对，我一直以来都对学业很拼，不求一定要名列前茅，但绝对不能名落孙山。我也是很随缘的。。。哈哈。小五令我最振奋的是不就是拿了全级第一咯。哈哈哈哈，那一次我终于打败了劲敌刘同学也。

二OO一年的记忆。提起O一年，有谁会忘了那轰动全球的九一一事件。那年我和两个姐妹一同参加了星报剪辑比赛，主题还是九一一事件呢。小六同学要面对的最后一关就是评估考试了。根据学校的记录，评估考试有史以来最好的成绩为十二人考获全科A等。那一年，我们甲班正好打破了记录，十三人获七科A等。我很为我几位好朋友伤心，因为他们并未如愿以偿。事情发生的好坏往往不能一朝就断定了。他们失落于这关，并不是坏事。至少我知道他们现在还是过得很好，甚至比我成功。塞翁失马，焉知非福～

小学毕业了，我依然是乖巧的小女孩。朋友不多，宅女一个。

好了，就述说到小学生涯好了。

Put it in a...

...NUTSHELL,

*recently being infected by this nutshell allergen. Thanks to the person who understand what I mean*

 no "3/4 quarter speech" to show here, just...

Wait a minute, I am officially released from the "six-month sentence". 815 Hooray~

Here are five lessons I have learned via my internship:

1. Frugality.

You know la... Business, everything is about the money. So we have to do our best to save, save and save. All we have to do is using our "creativity" to curtail the spending. For typical one, reuse the paper or so called "fully use" the blank area. Next, amendment in the labeling. We can use different blank white sticker to hide the wrong part. There are etc etc n etc. Oh ya, better don't simply on extra air-conditioner and do OT... Manager will confront you. 

2. Mum's the word.

Myself had failed to do this in the first place as I told somebody my allowance and went too far about my background. But now, I learn to keep mum about myself. Never ever simply share your information with strangers, not until you see him or her through and through. Brilliant move?! Somebody taught me this in the org. 

3. Subtle observer

I really learned this even though I know I  have already had subtle mind. HAHA * narcissism* If you want to bad-mouth about somebody, better watch out! Devil might be spoken. Also, when you wanna sneaking around, beware of the CCTV. Eating snake must have the limit too. Last tip: you should have in-hand information to formulate whose ass to kiss. *Don't be judgy as it's a fact of living*

 4. Nod your head

Nod your approval no matter what. "Right" is always by your boss's side. You will not stand a chance to say: "Boss, I think you....". Nah nah nah, triple cross "XXX". But then if you have a gut to say it or beh tahan liao, dare it. Good Boss might listen to you but it is on own your own peril. I tried once, to oppose Madam's perception regarding the products' problem, and there's no way for me to retort. Turns out I treated the subsequent problems nonchalantly.

5.  Fierce

I could not fierce with strangers. I was asked by the supervisor to bark at the operators whenever they act wrongly. Frankly I can be fierce in front of family, but just could not imagine myself bark like a fierce dog in front of foreigners coz I am shy. Most of the time, I just reiterated my comment softly and passed them. LAME. Still, I should really equip myself with this kind of "quality" in the near future. BE FIERCE! 

Ending soon

So, another 6 days to go for my dear course-mates to happily "graduate" from their three quarters of uni's journey... Congratz... My turn very soon too. Yea, 24 days. Haha 4 times of yours. Can't wait to see all of you. My uni, My friends.

I am not going to give my "3/4 graduation speech" so fast at this moment. Coz I am going to read some of yours first. But, really no sense of "reluctant" to leave your workplace? Sure have a little...right right...

Recently really have not much of work at the org... I felt like I am taking "blind salary"...  Okay, there was no  such direct translation of "gaji buta". It's suppose to be described as a SINECURE, and I just learned the word. How nice was it.

Well, I am a sinecure now who pretend to be busy while the boss passes by...My handphone can run out of battery in a single working day just because I keep on surfing the net while "working". LOL.